dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
