i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
