i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
