i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
