he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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