My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
