my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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