Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
