Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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