All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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