help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
