Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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