just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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