My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
