Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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