He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
