I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
