I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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