Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
