i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize