I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
