I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
