she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
