well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
