3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
