theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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