is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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