Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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