my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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