I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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