You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
