Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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