i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
