the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
