It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
