dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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