the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
