If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
