Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize