I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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