My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
