Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
