hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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