no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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