There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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