The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize