she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
