Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
