Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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