She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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