It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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