so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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