I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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