What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
