If i come over, it means nothing
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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