The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
