you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
