We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
