I wish I could teleport
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize