It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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