I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
