I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
