I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i drank out of a bidet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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