My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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