I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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