He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
