Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
