a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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