Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
