I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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