Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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