Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
